Coolness
Ok. Let me give you kids this shit straight alright. This is a little something that has been floating around the rant for a good while now and I've reached the point of literary fruition - I simply have to let the cat out of the bag on this one.
Being cool. It's something that everyone wants. Even the boring people who go to church three times a week want to be cool. They probably even end each prayer with a wish for coolness.
"And please God, let me be safe on my way home from church this good evening. And let me get that new promotion at work, and please help my sisters crotch operation go ok. And if it's not too much to ask, I'd really like to fuck that cute little red head down at the 7-11, and I'd also like the White Sox to win the pennant, and please God - could you let me be a cool guy?"
So Everyone wants to be cool. And there's nothing wrong with being cool. Really. There's nothing wrong with it. But here's a little thing that most people have yet to realize in life. You're born cool, or you're not. You acquire coolness through vaginal osmosis. It's as simple as that. Trust me on this folks - the sooner you except it, the better off you're going to be.
Now here's where things get blown completely out of balance.
Image. People get so caught up in image because they think it makes them cool. Well guess what Skee-zicks, you think you're cool? You ain't nothing but chili, and chili ain't never been cool.
In fact, there's no pair of designer blue jeans; no pair of dark shades; no strut, walk, or slide; there's no sports car or lipstick; no amount of cash flow or Benjamin's; no mansion or swimming pool, or wine cellar, or mink coat; and there's certainly no music or cigarette brand that makes you cool either.
I know this might be hard for a lot of you to take, but it's the truth.
So accept yourself for who and what you are, whether you're cool or not, and then get on with your fuckin' life.
Quit trying so hard to be something you're not, and then go have a Dr. Pepper.
Now Dr. Pepper is cool!