Today is both a day of wistful sadness and elation. It’s both an ending and a beginning in my life. Today, in all its sadistic glory, is the day I announce the end to my year-long bout of travel. My spree of foreign adventure has now come to an end. What a journey it has been.

What to say? Where to start? What emotion to feel? I sincerely wish I knew. I do know that there is simply no way to properly express a year of life in words, at least not by me. I could never quantify the last year of my life in words. I couldn’t do it the justice that it deserves. What I can try to express is the change, what I’ve become through the process of traveling and what the horizon of my future is likely shaping up to be as a result.

Eagerly waiting in nerve-racking anticipation for my foreign adventure to begin, I can remember back to the way my life was before I left. It was great. I was full of zest. I was excited and I had nothing but the dream of travel at my door step. But I was naïve. I had ideals and expectations of what traveling abroad should and shouldn’t be. Admitingly they were, for the most part, overly-romanticized for I had built a pedestal and placed the globe upon it. I envisioned far away places, wide open spaces and tender new faces. I envisioned placid idyllic stretches of beach, historic awe-inspiring cities and fields of rolling hills and bountiful endless countryside. I dreamt of deserts and rainforests, oceans and mountains, sunsets, sunrises, shooting stars and foreign moons. I envisioned gorgeous foreign female beauty and bountiful culture. I acknowledged there would be deep self-question at every bend and, if I was lucky, occasional late-night epiphanies. I envisioned culinary rarities, linguistic difficulties, bus rides to the break of patience, the joys of foreign currency, friendship and the warmth and generosity of like-minded people from a world away. That, in part, is what I envisioned. Those were the highlights of the travel dream that was manifesting in my soul prior to departure. For the most part, I have now lived those dreams out. The pedestal that a year of travel built was different than the one I envisioned, but it wasn’t necessarily better or worse. It was just, different. And I honestly wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. As my naivety slowly died along the way I began to take notice and become aware of things I had not anticipated nor imagine.

One of the realizations I hit upon while traveling was that I would no longer be satisfied with chasing dreams. I now live them. Because for so many years of my life, though I was generally happy, I was living for a moment so far in the distance. I was living for a dream, for something to come to me, a something that would eventually bring me true and lasting happiness. To this day I’m still unsure what it was. Whether it was a moment of clarity, fame or recognition, a woman, an occupational advancement, the purchase of a winery, a final curtain-call of glory or something else entirely – I don’t know. Nowadays I realize and acknowledge full well that my happiness and peace of mind start and begin with me. I have to live the dream. My dream. Every day I find that my life is a constant day-to-day struggle to remain happy, to remain serene and to remain balanced and compassionate, all of which are major components of my life long dream.

Then there were my more difficult moments of change. I came across a shocking revelation abroad. I realized that I’ve been fueled and driven by negative energy for so many years, for twenty-four years, and while the by-product of my actions were for the most part positive, it got to a point where something inside just wasn’t right. I was hurting inside. I, drew, was actually hurting! And the more I began to question and understand the more I realized that something wasn’t right. I had to commit to a change. The initial questioning opened my eyes to how fragmented I really was and I had to stop to ask myself – where is all of this negative energy, this negative emotion, coming from? And why? Why am I so compelled by negative and destructive energy, both physically and emotionally? To figure that out I had to be stripped bare of everything, down to nothing but my essence. I had to get down to the bones of what drew really was in order to understand who he really is and why he’s doing what he’s doing in life. I had to get naked emotionally and comfortable enough with my inner self to begin anew. To build a positive base and a positive structure in which to leap from. I had to take the time to fully understand where it was that I needed to be, where it was that I was comfortable and where it was that positive emotion and positive energy could be cultivated. The product of year away, and more importantly a year alone, ensured that. I made the clear and concise decision to turn things around into positive energy. It was a decision I sincerely needed to make in life. Once I got to the point where everything felt right, the feeling and sensation of the change was indescribable. A rebirth of sorts. My entire perspective and core were changed and they became positive in the process. What a free feeling. A freeing feeling.

I also realized that some things about me and my lifestyle will never change. I’m driven and motivated by highly energetic emotion. I simply can not deny that. My personality is boundless and passionate, a stream of consciousness, but I’ve realized that I can be all that and be motivated and compelled by positive energy. I can be stable and balanced, grounded and bound by positive energy, and still be myself clearly and completely. I can’t begin to describe how different my life has become by accepting this change into my life.

It’s clear to me now how analogous travel is to life. There are moments of suffering and defeat, brilliance and triumph. Travel is sadness and divine exaltation. Uncertainty, change, friendship and bitter heartbreak when it flees. Travel can be dangerous and exciting, inspirational, difficult, relaxing, strenuous and above all else traveling is life. It’s humbled to the dirt with your face caked in dust, all the while keeping your chin up and trying to have a little bit of hope. That’s life. At least that’s my life. To keep my head up, brave the world, push on down the line and have a little hope.

It feels good to be drew. It’s a good time to be fresh off the road. It feels good to have adopted a new outlook on life. It feels good to be committed to and driven by wholesome positive energy. It’s just a good time to be drew. I’m in good place right now. It’s a spiritual time and a freeing time. I’ve finally found lasting peace of mind, love and compassion. I’m comfortable. I’m dynamic, deeper and more expressive than ever before. I admit that life is rough sometimes. It hurts. I hurt. But at the end of the day after all the highs and lows I feel so blessed and so fortunate to live this life I live. With so many blissful joyful memories and so many great people surrounding and shaping my soul, it makes my heart tear up sometimes. It’s all worth it.

Where does this leave me and my site, my travels and my life? I can’t honestly say. I know that as much of an ending as this feels in so many respects, it’s really a beginning. A beginning with a new outlook and a new appreciation and affinity for so many things, so many vulgarities and intricacies that never e
ven crossed my mind a year ago. At this moment, I can’t honestly commit to a future. And there’s beauty in that. For now, I’m content in saying my goodbye. I’m going to take myself away from this site, away from artistic photography, away from traveling, away from writing and away from email for a while until I understand where it is that this site and all that it encompasses needs to be. I read over my purpose, my tale of the tape, my philosophy and the like and it feels so foreign. It needs to grow and change, as I have.

I appreciate all the thoughts, all the love, all the intellectual gifts, the perspective, inspiration, conversation and generous musings that everyone has sent my way in the last year. Fellow travelers on the road, family and friends, my web designer and the on-looking audience of complete strangers. I thank you. For you have helped mold and shape the last year of my life into something unbelievably memorable that I shall cherish, forever. Much love and veneration.

I had to leave to find out where home was. Not in the sense of where I lay my head at night but home as in the home inside. The home where I need to be and now am. I’m very, very fortunate to realize why I had to go through what I had to go through to get here. I left home, not looking for answers, but for new questions. And I found them.

In my time away I've spent my wandering days all over the eastern seaboard of Australia. A dizzy ass array of stops from a sheep farm in the bush to a marijuana mecca and plantation, a surf town, a winery-filled valley full of glitchy memories, an epic rock concert, a theatrical performance and then the cosmopolitan junkie called Sydney. Now though, I'm back in the southern city of Melbourne awaiting my flight out in a weeks time once my visa lapses. Sad really. Sad because I'd love to stay longer than the three months I've been alotted. Honestly, I wouldn't mind staying indefinitely. Check real estate trends on the west coast and set up shop. Swap out passports and citizenship and ride the proverbial wind of change. Unfortunately that's not the reality of my situation, at least not at this juncture in time. It is, however, something on my mind.

What becomes of me in the next few weeks shall be interesting. I know I'm at a transitional phase in my life. A good thing. A difficult thing but a good thing. And though I guess we're all at a transitional phase every time we face a choice and make a decision, I sense that the fork in my road is a major one not a minor one.

When weary is your world
Go and spin another
When weary is your world
There is heaven to discover